School Shootings, by the Numbers

 What I learned at today’s school shootings training (with apologies to Harper’s Index):

Occurrence of U.S. mass shootings, times the world average: 270
Percentage of mass shootings that take place in schools: 25
Percentage of shooters now wearing body armor: 24
Percentage carrying more than one weapon: 36
Percentage who had no prior police record: 42
Number of mock assault rifle attacks I helped disarm today: 7 or 8
Number where I sustained a real-life bruise, ding, or scrape: 7 or 8
Number of disarmings I performed correctly: 1
Number of times I would have been gut-shot by an AR-15: 6 or 7
Ratio of cops and ex-military to educators at today’s training: 2 to 1
Educators who were required to be there: 0
Percentage of mass shootings that are committed by one person: 98
Percentage of mass shooters that are male: 97
Length of the average school shooting, in minutes: 12
Percentage that last 5 minutes or less: 37
Percentage of shootings where police arrive after the show’s over: 47
Average number of dead: 3
Average number of wounded: 4
Since 1980, the number of kids who have died in school fires: 0
Since 1980, the number of kids who have died in school shootings: 300
The number of teachers: 45
The number of fire drills in which I’ve participated since becoming a teacher in 1996: 150+
The number of school shooting drills: 0

Noir at the Bar PDX

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I attended Johnny Shaw’s Noir at the Bar event tonight at Beulahland on Northeast 28th. Johnny and five other crime writers read short stories and other excerpts of their work. Featured were Greg Rucka, Barry Graham, Lisa Alber, Chris La Tray, and Roger Hobbs.

I especially enjoyed Alber’s reading from her upcoming Irish murder mystery Kilmoon, which will be out in April.

Graham, who never has anything nice to say about his native Glasgow, recited his selection from memory. His story was the finest I’ve heard involving one man eating another man’s eyeball.

I’m on the slate for the next event. After hearing Graham’s eyeball thing, I need to read from “Clutch.”